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4/14

I had a dream last night which is really rare for me to not forget immediately. I was trying to get to Asheville because that's something that I've been thinking of, I need to go this summer and I usually take the greyhound but after Helene there's no longer a greyhound. I've been thinking of taking a flight from Atlanta to Asheville because for some stupid reason it's cheaper to do that than to fly fom Charlotte to Asheville. It was very stressful and I wasn't able to get to Asheville.

But then I got a letter from one of my friends and she lives in Asheville, I told her about the greyhound situtation in my last letter and she said she'd be willing to drive me up there if I would like to visit! It's incredible stuff and I'm over the moon, I really need good news today. I mean I know Holi was fun and good energy, but it didn't feel like a true reset, I don't feel renewed.

Basically spent a lot of time on instagram and watching true crime videos.

I read this article

"We want the illusion of safety, but not the political clarity required to defend it. What Pohlhaus exposed wasn’t just the reach of hate, but rather the fault lines in the fantasy that brings so many people to places like this."

Been feeling like a loser again i need to update my zine page, finish my conic and find my script AND all the other shit i need to do.

I read something pretty god awful-- but i can't confirm if it's true, practically no one in the world can. It concerns El Salvador. Because no one can confirm I'm not sure if I should push it outside my mind or if I should try to keep half of it put just in case. I mean, I don't want to be a Pollyanna and believe that something so horrible can happen but I also hate being filled with such fear, it's simply too much. What's going on in Gaza, what's going on here, what's going on in El Salvador. It's all connected and everyone who believes in justice has no choice but to be appalled... that isn't enough though, and building "community" isn't really doing much atp.

I don't know maybe I'm being too cynical. Also exremely, stupidly useless.

4/15

Last night I started reading Babitz & Didion. I'm almost done with it, hopefully I can finish it tonight. It's exhilirating! I might actually finish reading a book today!

I took my mom to Ollie's in Matthews and bought a nonstick pan and a graduation card for my brother.

We got home pretty early and I mainly spent the day reading the Babitz & Didion book, I actually really liked it

Also I got another card from a friend (also from Asheville) need to send more zines out. Need to actually finish them I guess.

4/16

Went to a place to get donuts, then to the library to print out zines

I finished a new book called Convenience Store Woman.

went back home and talked to Kathy. worked a little bit on my comic

the guys at the 7/11 let me buy some canned screwdrivers. even though i still dont have my id. i watched the crow and passed out.

4/17

Woke up and saw on the app that i almost never use that I can get a box of donuts for $9

My friend came and dropped off more junk from her house. She also dropped me off at the bus stop. From there I got the bus out to Matthews. And then I got a box of donuts that were all pretty good.

I talked to another one of my friends through discord and it was really great to catch up with her. We just have so much in common it feels like and I feel like she is currently a big part of my emotional regulation, weird as that may sound.

I watched the Matlock season finale. I was a bit disappointed by it, maybe I was expecting too much by believing it would all resolve itself neatly and start on something new in the fall. I am still looking forward to it though

4/18

I'm in Raleigh today until Sunday visiting my brother. Today was gus